the funnies

Nothing irks me more than hearing the background noise of cartoons on the TV. Yes, me, I'm a cartoon hater. Ok, there are one or two classics that I like to think I can tolerate, but for the most part, I really hate cartoons. Always have. So, summer begins and the cartoon bonanza for most kids does too. This is something I have worked really hard to keep from being a tradition in our home. When the kids were little, I spent tons of money on camps. They went to magic camp, clown camp, camp camp, art camp, bible camp, sewing camp, MASH camp, I'm not kidding. When they got older, it was harder to convince them the camps were a good thing. So, they got jobs. At least the girls did, the bub was too young. This summer they are all three working. I can't believe it - I am so lucky. Thus begins another problem altogether. Did I fail to mention I do not own a vehicle at the moment? Yea, the girls each have a car, but I don't. So, the four of us working people will be sharing transportation all summer. We'll see how this goes. But at least I won't have to listen to the awful sound of cartoons in the background.

standing room only

Tonight is the night. The 2nd is graduating and for some reason I am finding it harder than when the 1st did. It's funny, the 1st fretted about what was to come and the 2nd just keeps plugging along as if she were checking things off as she completes them. I'm proud of her accomplishments and am excited for what is to come. But I think also I feel proud of me too. One more has made it. They have done it without making all the stupid mistakes I made. It's true that my guidance, direction, and of course some coddling got them there. Every step of the way I talked to them but more importantly I listened. I let them know every bit of knowledge I had gained to give them all the tools they needed to survive and make the right decision for themselves. Mistakes were made, of course. But nothing was insurmountable.

1st graduated - check
2nd graduated - check
3rd.......

Latest read

I got a kindle for my birthday this year and I love it. However, the book I am currently reading I got for .50 on Amazon - you can't beat that right? So, it's not on my kindle but I'm enjoying it nonetheless!

It's Rope Burns, Stories From the Corner by F.X. Toole. It's a collection of fictional short stories about a 'cut man'. A guy who stops the bleeding on a boxer so he can keep fighting. And so far it's really good. I know I have told you before I like to fantasize that I am Maggie from Million Dollar Baby. Well, that movie actually came from one of the stories in this book - which is why I got the book. I can't wait to get to that particular story. What I probably haven't told you is I love boxing. When I was a kid I watched the fight where 'Boom Boom' Mancini knocked out Duk Koo Kim and actually killed him right there. I mean it's not like he meant to but that is the chance these guys take in the ring. So, I've had a thing for boxing ever since.

tOes

Don't ever believe anyone when they tell you good friends aren't important. In my teens I had friends - good friends. People I will cherish the rest of my life - whether we talk everyday, week, month, year or rarely.

As you know, in my twenties I was makin' babies. During this time in my life I really had no friends. I was in hiding. Hiding from the world my reality. The reality of being in a miserable marriage and the reality of punishing myself for the many mistakes I had made in my teens. Since this was the case, I hid. I didn't want anyone to know. We had no social life, no couple friends. So, I kept pretending and kept having kids and kept hoping for a better future. When the kids were old enough to go to school, I made friends with other parents. I kept them at a safe distance so there would be no chance of being invited over or out to dinner. No chance of them getting a glimpse of my reality. Eventually I did let my guard down and let a few get close. This would have been around the time I made the decision to leave my misery behind. And I was grateful for those that were close.

In my thirties, I became a social piraya. I don't know if that is technically the right word, but I was someone no one wanted to be around. I was a single mom! Married women did not want you around their husband because you might steal them, single men didn't want you around because of course - you were out to find someone to take care of you and your children, and other single women didn't want you around because you were competition. Needless to say it sucked, but wasn't much different from the way I'd alienated myself in my twenties. At the end of my thirties I made it a mission to find friends and keep them because I began to realize just how important it was to not only be surrounded by people who care about you, but to care about other people too. And it was a hard task.

In my forties, I began accepting myself. In doing so, it allowed me to accept those around me. It allowed me to let my guard down and let go of a lot of stuff. It allowed me to let people in and also, when need be, let some go.

a Senior's Sunday

Today was the day our church honored all the graduating seniors. It was appropriate that it be today because as her mother I could not have been more proud of her than this morning. Yes, it was a normal sunday morning. Hollering at the kids to get ready and try to put on something nice, and the usual sassy talking in the car. But there she sat in the front with her classmates. Some of the kids she had known since she was A LOT shorter. They had each parent submit a senior photo and a small paragraph of your childs accomplishments and what they would be doing after graduation. Some paragraphs were longer than others....a lot longer....yawn. But it was a day to be proud of their accomplishments, big or small.

dinner....and some music?

Went to dinner with the other last night. He was hungry for Italian so I took him to a little place I'd been to once that was kind of tucked away and quaint - really good authentic stuff. The night started out very nicely with a little with wine and some dessert.......and then we went to dinner.

We walked into the restaurant which had changed drastically since I'd been there. They had split the place into two different restaurants, but connected in the back. One side was an Irish pub and the other Italian. We were curious so we went over to the Irish side and walked right into my former flame. It was awkward. the other still couldn't decide if he wanted Irish or Italian at this point so I quickly ushered him over to the Italian side - the non-former-flame side.

So at this point I should have suggested we leave and find somewhere else to eat. But noooo, we stayed. And they had the most bizarre dinner music ever. A guy at the front of the place was playing music and singing along. Kind of like karaoke - only it was all sappy show tunes. At one point he stopped and said "Well if that didn't sound like Robert Goulet, I don't know what does." I'm telling you the truth. Well, all it took was for the other to crack the slightest smile and that was it. I laughed - not out loud, I covered pretty well. But I laughed.

And then the somewhat flamboyant waiter started commenting on how he loved that song and how he loved the way the guy was singing. I'm still telling you the truth.

By the end of dinner we were so ready to bolt, but the singing guy asked if we wanted to request something - I'm serious. So, I humored him and suggested something from the Phantom of the Opera. There we sat, waiting, trying not to laugh, or slit our throats.

comfort

If you haven't figured out by now that I am a highly stressed person, well I'll just let you know right now that it's true. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a stress junkie and without it I wouldn't be able to function. At other times I wonder how I am functioning at all. So, what gets me through? Little bits of comfort.

*Morning Star Incense - I especially like the patchouli but I also burn lavender, pine and cedar.
*Dark Chocolate - sneaking a little piece here and there makes me feel divine!
*Music for my Soul - there is too much to list but I listen to Kings of Leon, Eddie Vedder-Pearl Jam & the Decemberists alot.
*Natural Oils - I wear patchouli everyday but just ordered rosemary and CAN NOT wait because I love rubbing fresh rosemary on my skin in the summer!
*My quiet time in the morning watching the news with my coffee, two fried eggs and piece of dry toast.
*And of course the very thing that keeps me alive - red wine.

What gets you through it?

the young

All weekend long I encountered youth, and it made me smile big.

As I was driving around I saw a young couple in a front yard. The man was taking a picture of the girl standing beside a SOLD sign.

I convinced the other to take me to a music festival. The streets were filled with people of all ages, but what made the biggest impression on me was the young people. They were crazily dressed, some were crazy tipsy and mostly they were crazy happy.

One of my fitness instructors ran in a marathon. I parked on the side of the street watching and waiting to see her go by. I got so excited when I saw her that I jumped out of the car and ran up to her. When she looked up and saw me her face lit up and she thanked me for the support. I ran a little ways and then let her go to the finish where I quickly drove to and parked myself in a good spot to watch. I couldn't help but feel a little choked up as if this were my kid or something. It was raining cats, dogs and for a minute, hail. And it was awesome.