On being on an island.

Ok, so when my girlfriends talk about the grumblings of married life and such I always feel a little lucky. No really, I kind of have it good. I make the rules in my house and I don't have to answer to anyone (except the kids of course). There is no one to fight over the bills, the house, the yard, the cars, future financial stuff. All that stuff. So, the decisions are mine......and so are the outcomes. I own them. It's empowering and frightening.

The other one.

There is someone else other than the three. Someone who has been a part of my life for the past eleven years. Someone I have kept at a safe distance but held close enough so they won't be too far. So when I ponder my impending empty nest, I keep wondering if there will be more room for them some day. More room in my heart and in my brain. Or will I busy myself with the trials and tribulations of the three forever?

The 2nd one.

So I'm not exactly an amatuer when it comes to sending a kid off to college. I've done it once and needless to say it was full of ups, downs and lots of tears. So, the second go round I feel like I'm a little better prepared. really? no. Today was spent shopping for graduation outfits for #2 and although it was a successful day, it was kind of sad. I felt like I was hovering outside my body going through the motions. Time goes so fast. When I got home with a very happy and unusually confident young woman, I hugged #3 and thought about how it would soon just be the two of us.

the beginning of the end.....

Two years ago what I thought would be one of the worst things to happen did. My internal lady organ was removed. I guess it was a beginning and an end. It was an end to all the possibilities of ever having another child, of not knowing each month if there would be an 'accident' and my little family would grow and you know all those feelings that go with that whole story. Once I got divorced I knew I never wanted to have any more children anyway. This may sound snobby but I didn't want my kids to have different dads. So when I was feeling crazy and thinking I wanted another kid, I thought "Gee, I wonder if my ex would just donate some sperm...." Knowing that would never happen I gave that idea up.
The beginning was a total sense of FREEDOM! Real freedom - it was quite liberating. I know I don't need to get all gorey cuz I'm sure you know what I'm referring too.

And then what happened?.......my post uterus life began.