Friday, April 29, 2011

you know that part on Moulin Rouge where she sings 'some day i'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday...' ? that is how i feel today.

here's the drill

I love working out. Going to the gym is part of my weekly routine. There is no bantering of maybe I'll go, maybe I won't. I go. My workout buddies always know that Liz will be there. So, what is my routine?

Monday - Kickboxing
Tuesday - Spin
Wednesday - Kickboxing
Thursday - Step Aerobics
Friday - Off
Saturday or Sunday - Eliptical

In the spring I used to do various organized bicycle rides but kind of got away from doing that. I hope to get back at it soon. During the summer I try to ride my bike to work as much as I can. It's a good 30 minute ride 1-way. I think this summer I'll do that on Fridays!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

letting it go

I have never really been an animal person. In the past I have turned my nose up to those who have 'indoor' animals. I just couldn't take the hair or the smell.

I have a dog, Sprout, who I love dearly. She was given to me by the other a long time ago. Surprisingly, I absolutely love my dog. She is an outdoor dog and she would have it no other way, and neither would I. I do let her in in bad weather because she asks to come in and it would be mean not to. However, she prefers the outdoors.

The oldest asked for a cat for years. An 'indoor' cat. I always stuck to my snobbish ways and said "Hell NO!"

I guess I need to tell you that the oldest suffers from depression. At times it's crippling. So.....I let it go. I let go of my now ridiculous rules on indoor pets and I got her Sheba. This animal literally saved her life. I am completely convinced. And what may sound light-heartedly written on this blog - should not be read as such. This cat who is almost human has brought so much joy and love into our home - it's unbelievable.

So, lesson learned. Let go.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

food FOOD FOOD!!

I started out the biggest damn junk food junkie there ever was. I loved nachos, Taco Bell, canned tamales, McD's fries & chili dogs. Over the years, I became aware of exactly what I was shoving down my throat. Naturally I discovered this awareness after the birth of the three - when I was quite a bit larger than I am now. ahem. In fact at my 10 year highschool reunion, I got voted "Most Changed" with some cackling from my former flame and first love. *sigh*

I began reading anything and everything I could get my hands on about nutrition and exercise. Go ahead, ask me anything, I can probably give you the answer. I lost every bit of that baby weight and was my old, too skinny, highschool self again. Over the years, I gained a little back and recently I lost 31 pounds. I have reached my goal weight and yes I am happy about it. It's things like this that help you to realize you really can do anything you set your mind to. My whole life I was told that once you turn 40, there is absolutely nothing you can do about your weight. Add to that a hysterectomy and you are doomed to hell. Well, I'm 43 and I have proven that wrong. Yay for me!

Currently I am exploring all kinds of foods that are different than what I have known. I don't go for any of those fad diets or ridiculous berry claims. I stick to the basics and believe in eating ALOT less processed foods and of course exercising. I know, boring. It's much more exciting to think there is some magic pill or method to morphing into looking just like the rich and famous, but there isn't. My Mom always said use it or lose it - this goes for your metabolism too. Eat people! Just know what the heck it is you are eating!

i'm not speshul

Did I ever mention the fact that I fantasize about being someone else? well, I do. The kids like to make fun of me for it. So here's my list of people I want to be:

Alice - Main Character in Resident Evil
Maggie - woman boxer in Million Dollar Baby
Mattie - young girl in True Grit (the new version)

I have a friend at the gym who has an awesome blog. She is the real McCoy. Truly talented and absolutely beautiful. She's a graphic artist and VERY successful and good at what she does. I swear if I had the money I'd pay her to re-design me. Seriously. Anyway, you know how you always think you are the only one? Well, my friend also sees herself as fantasy characters. She often mentions Laura Croft from Tomb Raider and to tell you the truth she could totally pull it off!

So, my point is, I'm not special. I thought I was the only freak who fantasized about this kind of stuff. It's actually not as silly as it sounds. Notice a recurring theme in my characters? They are all strong women. So, I guess I see myself as a strong woman! huh, go figure.

Friday, April 22, 2011

it's all Greek to me!

Ok, so anyone stumbling on my blog will find it painfully obvious that this is something new to me. It's something I have been interested in starting and hey, I'm just going with it! It's a process and hopefully my creative side will keep becoming more apparent as I learn how this whole blogger world works.

hey world! it's me!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Fun.

Holy week is my favorite time of the Church year, actually all of Lent is. But! I really do not like the Easter holiday.

Everyone puts on pastel clothes and white shoes and gathers on a sunny day. It's ridiculous cheeriness. Thank goodness the kids are too old for ye ole Easter Bunny. It's all just a bunch of hooha anyway.

So, of course we will go to mass in the a.m. then off to my parents house to stuff food down out gullets. Then the kids go to Granny's so they can stuff more food down their gullets. I'm sure I will hang around my parents to do the clean up and embibe further. (I used to hold my breath because the other one was adverse to any kind of organized family function and I never knew if he was going to participate or not, but he's gotten much better ;) And then home.

Unfortunately we only have one bathroom.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

remembering

This was a day to remember. The boy was only 1 month old and the girls were adjusting to life with another male in the house. I actually had plans to travel downtown to take care of getting everyone's SS#'s that week. Of course we all have our own story about that day, about people we knew who were taken from us, or people we know who helped out. Stories about what we were doing and what we heard and felt. And we have all been to the fence.

Friday, April 15, 2011

20,30,40.....

I LOVE my 40's. Yes facial hair and all - I LOVE my 40's. If I only had this wisdom in my teens boy I coulda saved the world....or at least myself from a lot of heartache. In my teens, I was a trainwreck. In my 20's I was a baby making machine. In my 30's I was a recovering divorcee. Now in my 40's I am an observer. I love watching people in the different stages of life and absorbing their experiences. It's a good feeling to just embrace those around you.

Monday, April 11, 2011

is that even a word?

I decided I'm a longerer. I'm always longing for something.....longing to get away. longing for the moon. longing for the fresh air. longing for the answers. longing for something more.....

the boy

Raising a boy as a single mom is undoubtedly a challenge. Am I doing right by him? Am I expecting enough? too much? I'd like to think he is going to make someone the perfect husband, father, companion, provider, etc. I'm no guy. I know how to talk to the girls. I know their language. When it comes to the boy - it's a whole other game. And when it comes to his accomplishments, the proud feelings are also different than with the girls. Not to say one is more or less than the other - just different.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

BIG belt buckle

The next time I go to a cattle sale I am definitely going to be sporting me a BIG ass belt buckle, glitzy jeans, boots and big boobs. Wait - nix the big boobs - just the jeans, the buckle and the boots. Actually it was really awesome. I got to help the other pick out some bulls. (Actually I made the decision on which ones to buy, really.) So as I sat there totally getting into the whole scene, my mind kept twirling around the thought that I could actually do this. I could make this my life. We worked well together, deciding which ones looked good and why. He was happy. I know I had made him happy driving down and helping him, being a part of his world. It was a reprieve from the stress of my world. I couldn't help but get sad because after 11 years, he still couldn't be a part of mine. For whatever reason. We spent an evening with a couple who had both recently divorced. She with kids, he without. They had totally jumped feet first into the new relationship, mixing kids and all. 11 years later - I still can't do it. I've kept the other one at a distance and am beginning to think it's somewhat unfair. Unfair to him, unfair to the kids. Will my kids even know what a healthy loving relationship looks like? Or will they be better off than the kids of those divers? Only time will tell.