BIG belt buckle

The next time I go to a cattle sale I am definitely going to be sporting me a BIG ass belt buckle, glitzy jeans, boots and big boobs. Wait - nix the big boobs - just the jeans, the buckle and the boots. Actually it was really awesome. I got to help the other pick out some bulls. (Actually I made the decision on which ones to buy, really.) So as I sat there totally getting into the whole scene, my mind kept twirling around the thought that I could actually do this. I could make this my life. We worked well together, deciding which ones looked good and why. He was happy. I know I had made him happy driving down and helping him, being a part of his world. It was a reprieve from the stress of my world. I couldn't help but get sad because after 11 years, he still couldn't be a part of mine. For whatever reason. We spent an evening with a couple who had both recently divorced. She with kids, he without. They had totally jumped feet first into the new relationship, mixing kids and all. 11 years later - I still can't do it. I've kept the other one at a distance and am beginning to think it's somewhat unfair. Unfair to him, unfair to the kids. Will my kids even know what a healthy loving relationship looks like? Or will they be better off than the kids of those divers? Only time will tell.