nom nom.....NOT

Recently I found out that I am supposedly gluten intolerant. Do you know what this MEANS???? The following is a very brief list of items I can no longer consume:

Beer
Breads
Cereal
Cakes
Crackers
Power bars
Processed meat like sausage/pepperoni/deli meats
Stuffing
Canned soups
Soy Sauce

And to top that off now I can't have oatmeal, dairy, caffeine, carbonation, and so on and so on. seriously.

of course most of the items listed above have 'gluten free' counter parts. Some are ok, some...ew.

Needless to say - I'M STARVING.

currently

I've changed up my workout routine just a little. Here goes:

Monday - Vinyasa Yoga (a most awesome, intense workout - and very relaxing to boot!)
Tuesday - Run, Spin
Wednesday - Kickboxing
Thursday - Run, Body Pump
Friday - RELAX
Saturday & Sunday - Run, run....die.

I needed to back off cardio just a little and I gotta tell you - I love yoga. Getting a kick ass stretch in at the beginning of my week has made loads of difference in all my other workouts. This particular style of yoga is intense. It's unbelievable how much it's helped my upper body strength. A friend of mine told me that when you do cardio, you are only burning calories while you are working out. But when you strength train - it's a continuous burn for HOURS. Plus you burn more calories with muscle mass! So, I'm loving my new workout routine for multiple reasons!

so so many irons in the fire

Currently I am 'renovating' an old quilt, finishing mud & taping my hallway, and working on a recipe for my own protein bar. All this tucked into the spare moments between work/chores/exercising/kid-training/man-lovin'. damn! And I don't feel like I'm losing it either - a good start to 2012.

hmmmm......

So, have you ever wanted to be a part of something bigger than yourself? Bigger than the small little world you have unexpectedly created for yourself? Only you don't know how to go about it. And everyone else seems so much cooler, so much better put together. They have all the answers and they even seem to wear their clothes better than you. One day it's like a light goes on and you realize that everything you say is so stupid and irrelevant. All the things you have placed such importance on is ridiculously unimportant. So, I want to climb Mt. Everest. I want to work in a third world country. I want to feed the poor. I want to sew my own quilt and can my own food. I want to live in a cabin in the woods and not be concerned with gadgets and such. I want people to come into my home and I serve them hot coffee and warm apple pie. And they'll feel at home like they never want to leave. And when they do leave, they aren't the same......

do I? or don't I.....

So, it's been awhile. Truth be told I am constantly writing posts for my blog in my head. I just can't always get to my computer to share.

I have been contemplating my relationship with the other quite a bit. I have been thinking that something is lacking. I started thinking that I wanted some sign of commitment from him, that I was getting closer to letting go of my 'road blocks' and was starting to think I was ready for long term commitment....other than the unspoken understanding between us. I thought a ring would be a good place to start. Seriously, like just being engaged. Only the more I thought about it I recounted that thought. A ring, but with no date, just a symbol of commitment. The more I thought about this I began to realize that after being in a relationship with someone for the most part of eleven years, maybe I shouldn't feel so gun shy. Maybe this means I don't really want this at all. So, I'm thinking that I do want to find someone to grow old with, that the other is the 'interim'. Maybe this isn't fair, maybe it is. Maybe I'm the 'interim' for him too.

I wish I'd had all the answers early on. I would have realized then that it's about finding a friend first, all the other stuff comes later. With the other, the 'stuff' came first. After eleven years, I can now say we are friends. Are we great friends? maybe. But to find that one person I can connect with I think I am still searching for. That someone does not have to have the same political beliefs as I do, or the same religious beliefs that I do. There just has to be a flow of interest in each other, respect for one another, sense of caring and desire to make being together work. I am looking for that certain someone who will be a compliment to me and I to them.

For now the other is the interim, he might be the one...maybe, maybe not.

life continues

It's that time again. The people I live with are either returning to school or beginning a new chapter of their education. Soon the house will be quiet and although I am stretched as thin as possible, I'll be sad.

The oldest will return to her home away from home - a place I myself am very envious of.
The middle will begin her journey away from home - but not too far.
And the boy will be the only one of our kind on campus now as he begins his junior year.

And as for me? I am finally taking a trip with the other. We will be wilderness backpacking soon. I am excited to get away and nervous at the same time. The other doesn't have to worry about little animals getting fed. His are left to their own devices in pastures a little greener than before as it finally rained. He doesn't have to worry about peoples away from home. And he doesn't have to worry about a boy getting a ride from school. But all that said, I am going to try my damnedest to relax and enjoy the fresh air, the silence, the solitude and pooping in the woods.

this is the story....

This is the story of your red right ankle
And how it came to meet your leg
And how the muscle bones and sinews tangled
And how the skin was softly shed
And how it whispered,
"Oh, adhere to me for we are bound by symmetry
And whatever differences our lives have been
We together make a limb."
This is the story of your red right ankle......

I love these lyrics. It's a song by the Decemberists who I am going to see in concert in exactly one week. Thank you Danny for introducing me to the Decemberists.

I have no idea what this song is supposed to mean, but for me it's about a lover and how the lover is like a part of the persons body all intertwined with their own. Anyway, I like it and I really hope they sing it at the concert even though they probably won't because it's an older song.

fuel

The other night a gym buddy of mine told me how much he liked watching me workout because I have so much energy. really? wow! thanks Eric! So, I started thinking about how I feel when I work out. I know I have told you several times that I don't always FEEL like working out but I go and I do.

I really think it matters what you have eaten all day long. If you eat relatively healthy food and a reasonable amount of calories, it really makes a difference in your energy levels. If you ate say, a huge greasy cheeseburger and fries, you might not have such a great workout.

I have also been reading a lot about what you eat right before you workout and how important it is to get some carbs in you to help with your energy level. I have always made sure I get a small snack about an hour before I workout and it makes a big difference. Last night was date night and I decided to forgo my snack so I could save the calories for dinner and it really affected me. Sorry to let you down Eric - but date night was worth it ;)

nom nom

One of my favorites times of the day is lunch. It's because while I'm eating I like to read blogs. I almost solely read *food blogs*. I have a couple of other blogs (jeremy & kathleen, Travels & Trevails, trenchwarfaretoo) I like that aren't about food but mostly it's all about food. I like watching the food trends and seeing the different ways to create all sorts of things with strawberries, nutella, quinoa, etc. However, I mostly look for ways to make lo-cal stuff.

I recently stumbled upon Chocolate-Covered Katie's blog. Believe it or not she has a recipe for a chocolate chip cookie cake that uses white beans. I am not kidding and I am totally going to try this recipe out. I'll let you know how it goes!

grumble, grumble.......sigh

When you are younger and in a relationship, you learn things as you go. You constantly ask your girlie girls for advise and talk incessantly about mistakes you are making over and over and over. In the end, you really only listen to yourself and the story gets old.

So when you get older you learn that you don't need advise from the girlie girls. You don't ask them 'What do you think?' This is because you already know the answers. So you really just need someone to lean on. Someone you can band with as if it were a club with a shared secret that only the girlie girls know about. The secret goes unsaid but it's there. And when the club disbands for the day or night or what have you, everyone goes back to their own heaven or hell depending on the situation.

We love our men but our girlie girls are our true soul mates.

it keeps me going

Wow! That was a long stretch, but I'm back now.

So, the other night at the gym I was feeling really like the 'gym' was THE last place I wanted to to be. But, as I told you before, I was there as usual. I started to think about why it is that I always show up and what keeps me there once class begins. Honestly I can tell you that for many reasons I love the economics classes I took. Seriously. In most everything I do these days, I always think about 'opportunity costs'. What is the opportunity cost of doing this or that or Not doing this or that. If only I had learned this bit of knowledge a looooong time ago, dangit! Another important thing that keeps me IN class once it begins.....I always imagine that the 'newbies' in class are secretly scouters. Hey, I'm being honest here. Maybe they are fitness scouters looking for people to become instructors or take part in a workout DVD. It could happen!

So, now you know what keeps me on track and one reason I give it my all in class! heehee

lo-cal

Just a few quick ways to keep your calories on the down-low:

Forget the salad dressings, use redwine vinegar with salsa instead, or just salsa - it gives your salad the wetness your palate is used to, adds a little flavor (or alot depending on the salsa) and it's REALLY low in calories.

Swap your soda for some mineral water. Add some fresh fruit, strawberries, blueberries, apples, kiwis, or just a lemon wedge. The water is refreshing kept really cold in the fridge and the fruit is a treat at the end.

Add mineral water to your wine. This accomplishes two things. 1. It reduces the amount of wine you drink, thus lowering your calorie intake. 2. mineral water has lots of nutritional value. Also, it doesn't affect the flavor of your wine - I promise!

NEVER butter your bread. Really you won't miss it.

Reach for mustard instead of mayo or ketchup - it's lower in calories and you can get some really yummy deli mustard that add lots of flavor to your sammich.

over and out!

sorry!

Sorry to say I have been neglecting my blog. I have had so much going on - and not good stuff either. But as the old song goes, 'I will survive'. (And I love both versions, Gloria Gaynor and Cake) Not only will I survive but I will get back to my blog AND I am going to figure out how to post pics come hell or high water. So....see you soon!

what do you say?

When it comes time to talk well... I talk, and talk. When they have questions, I have answers. When they don't ask, I offer answers anyway. Really I think it's the best way to arm your kids with most everything they need to keep themselves safe and help them make decisions. I do believe there should be 'need to know' guidelines when it comes to certain information - but basically you can go ahead an acuse me of telling too much and that is fine with me. I have never been one to call certain body parts funny little names, a vagina is a vagina and a penis is a penis. As you can imagine this goes over really well with my siblings as they don't neccessarily have the same opinion when it comes to talking to their own. And to that I say, hmmph!

the funnies

Nothing irks me more than hearing the background noise of cartoons on the TV. Yes, me, I'm a cartoon hater. Ok, there are one or two classics that I like to think I can tolerate, but for the most part, I really hate cartoons. Always have. So, summer begins and the cartoon bonanza for most kids does too. This is something I have worked really hard to keep from being a tradition in our home. When the kids were little, I spent tons of money on camps. They went to magic camp, clown camp, camp camp, art camp, bible camp, sewing camp, MASH camp, I'm not kidding. When they got older, it was harder to convince them the camps were a good thing. So, they got jobs. At least the girls did, the bub was too young. This summer they are all three working. I can't believe it - I am so lucky. Thus begins another problem altogether. Did I fail to mention I do not own a vehicle at the moment? Yea, the girls each have a car, but I don't. So, the four of us working people will be sharing transportation all summer. We'll see how this goes. But at least I won't have to listen to the awful sound of cartoons in the background.

standing room only

Tonight is the night. The 2nd is graduating and for some reason I am finding it harder than when the 1st did. It's funny, the 1st fretted about what was to come and the 2nd just keeps plugging along as if she were checking things off as she completes them. I'm proud of her accomplishments and am excited for what is to come. But I think also I feel proud of me too. One more has made it. They have done it without making all the stupid mistakes I made. It's true that my guidance, direction, and of course some coddling got them there. Every step of the way I talked to them but more importantly I listened. I let them know every bit of knowledge I had gained to give them all the tools they needed to survive and make the right decision for themselves. Mistakes were made, of course. But nothing was insurmountable.

1st graduated - check
2nd graduated - check
3rd.......

Latest read

I got a kindle for my birthday this year and I love it. However, the book I am currently reading I got for .50 on Amazon - you can't beat that right? So, it's not on my kindle but I'm enjoying it nonetheless!

It's Rope Burns, Stories From the Corner by F.X. Toole. It's a collection of fictional short stories about a 'cut man'. A guy who stops the bleeding on a boxer so he can keep fighting. And so far it's really good. I know I have told you before I like to fantasize that I am Maggie from Million Dollar Baby. Well, that movie actually came from one of the stories in this book - which is why I got the book. I can't wait to get to that particular story. What I probably haven't told you is I love boxing. When I was a kid I watched the fight where 'Boom Boom' Mancini knocked out Duk Koo Kim and actually killed him right there. I mean it's not like he meant to but that is the chance these guys take in the ring. So, I've had a thing for boxing ever since.

tOes

Don't ever believe anyone when they tell you good friends aren't important. In my teens I had friends - good friends. People I will cherish the rest of my life - whether we talk everyday, week, month, year or rarely.

As you know, in my twenties I was makin' babies. During this time in my life I really had no friends. I was in hiding. Hiding from the world my reality. The reality of being in a miserable marriage and the reality of punishing myself for the many mistakes I had made in my teens. Since this was the case, I hid. I didn't want anyone to know. We had no social life, no couple friends. So, I kept pretending and kept having kids and kept hoping for a better future. When the kids were old enough to go to school, I made friends with other parents. I kept them at a safe distance so there would be no chance of being invited over or out to dinner. No chance of them getting a glimpse of my reality. Eventually I did let my guard down and let a few get close. This would have been around the time I made the decision to leave my misery behind. And I was grateful for those that were close.

In my thirties, I became a social piraya. I don't know if that is technically the right word, but I was someone no one wanted to be around. I was a single mom! Married women did not want you around their husband because you might steal them, single men didn't want you around because of course - you were out to find someone to take care of you and your children, and other single women didn't want you around because you were competition. Needless to say it sucked, but wasn't much different from the way I'd alienated myself in my twenties. At the end of my thirties I made it a mission to find friends and keep them because I began to realize just how important it was to not only be surrounded by people who care about you, but to care about other people too. And it was a hard task.

In my forties, I began accepting myself. In doing so, it allowed me to accept those around me. It allowed me to let my guard down and let go of a lot of stuff. It allowed me to let people in and also, when need be, let some go.

a Senior's Sunday

Today was the day our church honored all the graduating seniors. It was appropriate that it be today because as her mother I could not have been more proud of her than this morning. Yes, it was a normal sunday morning. Hollering at the kids to get ready and try to put on something nice, and the usual sassy talking in the car. But there she sat in the front with her classmates. Some of the kids she had known since she was A LOT shorter. They had each parent submit a senior photo and a small paragraph of your childs accomplishments and what they would be doing after graduation. Some paragraphs were longer than others....a lot longer....yawn. But it was a day to be proud of their accomplishments, big or small.

dinner....and some music?

Went to dinner with the other last night. He was hungry for Italian so I took him to a little place I'd been to once that was kind of tucked away and quaint - really good authentic stuff. The night started out very nicely with a little with wine and some dessert.......and then we went to dinner.

We walked into the restaurant which had changed drastically since I'd been there. They had split the place into two different restaurants, but connected in the back. One side was an Irish pub and the other Italian. We were curious so we went over to the Irish side and walked right into my former flame. It was awkward. the other still couldn't decide if he wanted Irish or Italian at this point so I quickly ushered him over to the Italian side - the non-former-flame side.

So at this point I should have suggested we leave and find somewhere else to eat. But noooo, we stayed. And they had the most bizarre dinner music ever. A guy at the front of the place was playing music and singing along. Kind of like karaoke - only it was all sappy show tunes. At one point he stopped and said "Well if that didn't sound like Robert Goulet, I don't know what does." I'm telling you the truth. Well, all it took was for the other to crack the slightest smile and that was it. I laughed - not out loud, I covered pretty well. But I laughed.

And then the somewhat flamboyant waiter started commenting on how he loved that song and how he loved the way the guy was singing. I'm still telling you the truth.

By the end of dinner we were so ready to bolt, but the singing guy asked if we wanted to request something - I'm serious. So, I humored him and suggested something from the Phantom of the Opera. There we sat, waiting, trying not to laugh, or slit our throats.